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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My Life/ How do I say goodbye to you?

I don't know how to say goodbye to you. It bothers me that you are still in another country. I guess it really bothers me that you lost your life in another country. All the what if's keep entering my mind. I keep wishing that this is all a bad dream or a mistake. Just when I think I have accepted the fact that you are gone it hits me all over again. I still can't believe it. I hope you knew how much everyone loved you. How you have touched so many lives. How can I say goodbye when I can't see you, if I could have just one more minute with you, I would make you listen, make you understand how much we all cared about you and loved you. You can't be really gone. You only got to see your daughter for the first two weeks of her life, how is that fair? My sister is a widow at 25. Seeing her in pain is the worst possible thing, seeing all of your friends and family in such despair just eats away at my gut. Not knowing how to fix this for all of them and knowing that I cannot fix this for anyone, nothing will bring you back to all of us it just kills me inside. I will take care of your girls I promise you that. Those were my last words to you when you left to return to Iraq. I still see your face walking out the door. I still see the pain in your eyes that you had to go back and leave your new daughter. You were so scared to go back that's what bothers me you were afraid you were going to die this time. How in the world are we ever going to go on without you in our lives? Please know that you are so loved and so very missed by all.

2 comments:

ex-shakespeare said...

Hope that you may get through this period of your life in the best possible way. My thoughts and feeling are with you.

Lee said...

Shelly, you make sure you keep the words you have written here. Keep them for the future...print them out and keep them in a safe place. Don't forget to encourage your little girl to write down her emotions and feelings in her diary...somehow, this will help, I know.

I have tears in my eyes from reading your wonderful words. My thoughts are with you all.