Thursday, January 31, 2008

My Life/ More Old Pictures

My Life/ Back to normal...

We ended up getting that nasty stomach bug that seems to be going around. My Sister and Emma had it in Texas and brought it home to us. It went down the line, first hitting Junior, then Lukas, I thought we were in the clear by Monday but thats what I get for thinking. Monday night Mackenzie was first to get it and within a matter of hours we all ended up having it, which was very rare for us all to come down with it around the same time. I even threw up for the first time in years, which really scared the heck out of Tyler he had never seen his Mom so sick. As he said Mom's should not get sick because they have to take care of everyone else. Poor John he had to clean up after the kids because I was just to sick to do anything. It was the longest night. Finally today I have some energy. I felt really bad because we had dinner at my mother in laws Sunday night and I guess we must have passed it to them because everyone that was in the house came down with it all within a day of each other. Sorry everyone, I bet you will think twice before inviting all of us over for dinner!!! At least it's done with and I don't have to worry about getting it. I guess all the washing and sanitizing did not make a bit of difference.... So life is pretty much back to normal, I kept the kids home for one more day, just to be sure. Now that things have calmed down, I'm sure there will be more Drama our way, there always is....

Thursday, January 24, 2008

My Life/ I can't wait for the weekend....

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My Life/ Uncle Todd would be so proud....

When Tyler was born I swore that he would never play with toy guns, army men or anything related, but as you can see from the picture I was full of it. I remember my Dad telling me I was crazy, all boys play cop's and robbers. I had this prefect image in my mind about how to raise a boy, well let me tell you by the age of two, that image slowly drifted away. When Tyler was little Todd was living at my parents house, so whenever I left Tyler over there he got to spend time with his future Uncle. I started to notice that when Ty would come home he would be just full of it. He would grab whatever he could and use it to shoot at things. He once made a gun out of Lego's and put it to my back, he was three, I flipped out and wanted to find out just what the hell was going on at these play dates at my Moms. Todd in his own choice of words told me that I was being over protective and CRAZY, all boys play like this. I didn't believe him and told him to stop teaching my son bad things, this was probably our first of many arguments between the two of us. As many of you already know we kinda had that special Love/Hate type of relationship from the start. I often would get upset about how rough him and Tyler would play, I now realize that was their special thing. All the swinging around, wrestling, I was convinced that I would get a call from my Mom stating that Tyler's arm would be pulled out of socket or something even worse. It did not matter how many times I would tell them not to play so rough, I knew as soon as I would leave the fun would begin. As Tyler got older and Todd joined the Army I just learned to relax about the whole gun thing. I mean look at me now, my son plays shooting games with his Dad on Xbox. I now look at things much differently, the saying boy's will be boys really does apply. Do I believe in guns? Hell no, I will never ever own one, but does my son play with Nerf guns, yup he sure does. At ten years old he still dresses up and pretends to be in the Army or his newest thing a member of a S.W.A.T team, but instead of fighting it, I see it as a gift from Todd, reminding me that he is still here, in my sons heart.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Life/ Pictures

Monday, January 21, 2008

My Life/ First Date

Friday we had Movie and popcorn day here with all the kids. Isaac got to pick the movie which was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this Friday is girls choice so I have a feeling it will be Highschool Musical or Bratz Movie. Anyway after making the popcorn Aunt Katie & I start passing out bags to all the kids and we notice Hailey and Isaac cuddled on the couch. I quick got my camera and asked Hailey if she were on a date with her boyfriend, her faced turned all red as if she knew what I was talking about. Then she gestures me to be quiet. Sorry Lukas it looks as if Hailey is starting to like her boys much older...

My Life/ Old photo's....

Saturday, January 19, 2008

My Life/ A Look Back..

As many of you already know I am going through all my old pictures and scanning them onto my computer so I thought I might share a few of my favorites every now and then. John & I were looking through them earlier and could not believe how fast time is flying.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

My Life/ What a Day!!

I am starting to think that things are just never going to get easier for my family. Believe me I am not asking for a pity party because I am well aware that things could get alot worse and I know others who are battling much harder things in life, but my family is falling apart. My Mother is wasting away to nothing, she weighs less than me. Never have I seen her this skinny. The cause she tells me is stress. Ever since Todd's death my Mom has not been the same. As most know her and my Dad have a terrible relationship so she feels like she is alone. I can't imagine not being able to talk to John about money, life in general, it must feel so lonely at times. She has a horrible relationship with her own mother so sometimes I feel like I'm her mother. I thought it was because she had me so young, but now I realize it's because she needs someone to take care of her, to kind of show her the way. Don't get me wrong she is the best Mom and Nanny but I really believe that she had such a shitty childhood she could really use some mothering herself. In the last month I am watching her slowly spiral downward. I want to help, but I don't know how to anymore. I really realized today just how bad things are. My Mom was with my sister in the ER today because she passed out once again and she ran into my Uncle, the one who tried to kill himself just before Christmas. He is not doing much better, anyway long story short Katie drove my Moms vehicle home so that my Mom could stay with my Uncle, so after they were done in the ER My Aunt & Uncle brought her home. My day was already very busy when My Mom and Uncle came over. My Mom wanted me to talk to my Uncle. Which I really didn't mind doing but it is kinda hard when I have alot of kids here. So I am listening to him and trying to help all the while I'm changing diapers, chasing kids around. When visitors come they all get wild because they know I am busy and not paying to close attention. It was just crazy, I have nothing but good memories with my Uncle, some of my best childhood memories are with him. I hate seeing him so sad and just on the verge of tears. He no longer wants to harm himself but admits that he is so depressed he just does not know what to do. How do I help a mam that has always been so strong? A part of me just wants to hug him and the other part just wants to shake him and say it's not that bad. Your family is healthy is that not something to be thankful for? But I know that depression is just not that simple. All the while I am just watching my Mom fight back tears. I honestly do not know how to help her. We had a very long talk the other night on the phone but I'm not sure she really heard me. I just wish she would get out of this funk. The only time I ever see her smile is when she is around the kids. Even today they at least they got her to smile. She walks in and all the kids run to her arms shouting Nanny. She always calls all my daycare kids her other Grand kids. She gives them each a hug and kiss before leaving every time she visits. But still through all the kisses and hugs I still see so much sadness and it just breaks my heart. I suggested that she maybe talk to someone and she kinda got upset, so I backed off. I really feel like things are never going to be the same.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

My Life/ So I really am a terrible Mom...

Once again I am on Tyler's list. Monday night he had a terrible tooth ache and I gave him some Motrin, well it really did not help much and by morning he was crying because it hurt so bad, I told him I would call the dentist and try to get him in. I gave him more medicine and sent him to school. Well out of site, out of mind happened and I forgot. When Tyler came home he was in such pain he was once again crying. He say's to me "Mom how could you forget again about me, first you don't believe me about my throat hurting now this". Talk about feeling like a terrible Mom, I did make the kid suffer with strep throat because he kept saying food was getting stuck and I told him that it was in his head, now I had forgotten all about calling the dentist. So I called and of course the Dentist was gone for the day but they were able to squeeze him in today. So the poor thing had to suffer all evening and all this morning. When he was getting on the bus this morning he turned and said "now Mom please don't forget to pick me up at school because I have got to get this tooth out". I wanted to cry, my poor son feels like I don't care about him anymore. I give so much time to the girls, I often just assume that he is doing fine. I feel like we need a mother/son day. Here I am always talking about not taking life for granted and the whole time I have been doing so with my son....

Sunday, January 13, 2008

My Life/ Tyler got his hair cut

After about of month or so of going back and forth Tyler finally gave in and got his hair cut. I really liked his hair long but John did not. So we went to a place out by the mall on Saturday called Sport Clips. Kinda expensive but both of my men loved the atmosphere. The look on Ty's face when she started cutting. He had told me before that he had better like it or he was not going to go to school for 2 weeks. Luckily he ended up really liking it. He looks like a different kid though. My Mom & Sister were heart broken because they loved his long hair too, but they both said he looked good, so we will see what the ladies at school think tomorrow. John & I had date night Saturday night. We ate at the Red Robin which was okay but I am not much of a burger person and then went to see a Movie. Which was really fun. I had one drink at the restaurant and of course one was all I could handle and my legs started tingling. My Sister made it to Texas last night and is doing good. I still can't believe that she drove to all the way to Texas with Emma, I really do not think I could have ever done that, I would be to scared. Anyway I can't wait for them to return home because I am having Emma with drawls.

Friday, January 11, 2008

My Life/ A Day Without Power...

Just another exciting day around here. We got a snow storm last night that knocked out power in are area. Well I thought we got lucky because for once we did not lose ours. As always I spoke to soon right before lunch we lost ours. The kids were freaking out because they thought for sure it was going to thunder and lightning because usually when you lose power it's from a thunder storm. So I had to assure them that there was no storm. We made the best of it but it got Little cold in here by 4pm. My Sister Katie & her son were here all day, so we played games with the kids and tried to keep them entertained as much as possible. Finally at almost five we got it back on, they were clapping and jumping around it's amazing how we need all the electrical devices to keep us happy. My sister Steph left with her daughter Emma this morning for Texas. I think she is crazy, but she feels like this is something she really needs to do. All the guys from Todd's company are returning home from Iraq this weekend. I am happy for all of them and their families, but I am sad because Todd should be coming home with them. Alot of the guys have been emailing her because they want her there because they never got to pay their respects. I can only imagine how hard this is going to be on her, I tried very hard to talk her out of it but she is one determined women. So I will just pray that her and Emma make it there and back home safely. I think that Todd was the only one from his group that won't be returning. He was killed with others that were not from his group. There must be a reason I keep telling myself it's the only way I cope.
All these guys are going to meet what Todd had to leave behind. Emma will be meeting men who knew her Daddy better than she ever will. It just does not seem fair. Just wait till they all see her and how much she looks like Todd. I miss them already but they will be back in a week I just have to keep telling myself that.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My Life/ So much for Relaxing

So last night did not turn out as planned but when does it really? I take a shower and get into my PJ's and my youngest sister called to inform us that we were under a tornado warning. Are you kidding me in January a tornado warning. Anyway I did not know that we were under a warning because John and Ty were playing a game on the TV, so I called Lea and told her which she knew nothing about either and asked her if we could join them in their basement. So here we are at 7 pm at night heading next door in our PJ's in a thunderstorm, how crazy I know. It turned out good though, Lukas said to me this morning remember when you came to my house, which I thought was cute that he even thought about that this morning. I'm posting some pictures of the kids, one is of Isaac he and Hailey got into my pans and bowls and he put the doll in the bowl and the bowl on top of his head. It reminded me of people from other countries carrying stuff on their head. Crazy Children...

Monday, January 7, 2008

My Life/ Thankful...

I am so thankful Mackenzie's levels are normal. It is all I thought about all day and finally around 2pm I called and I was so darn happy I could have cried. After Mackenzie and I left the lab this morning we went to Meijer's so that she could pick out something for having to get her blood drawn again. She did a great job and was very brave, this time she sat on my lap and had it down, Daddy even came for support. No tears she was such a big girl. When we left Meijer's she asked are you going to pray for me? I said that I already had been praying and that we could pray together if she wanted. So there in the parking lot I stop and we prayed. A ton lifted off me I still felt worried but I put it into God's hands, after all it is beyond any of our control. When she came home from school today I told her the good news, she just smiled her little loving grin. About an hour or so later she came to me and said I guess God Listened to us. I said he sure did.. For being 7 and not really attending church this little girl is quite amazing. I got so lucky. So tonight I will relax and just be thankful, I will take it while I can get it because tomorrow is another day.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

My Life/ Big Day Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is the day Kenzie is dreading, she has to have her blood taken again to check her potassium level. We are praying that it has gone up otherwise the poor girl is going to need further testing. I have been trying not to think about it all weekend but it is hard not to I just want her to get better. Poor Tyler still feels like crap he can't eat because it still feels like things are getting stuck. We took the kids out to Red Lobster last night and He could not even eat his applesauce. I guess I will be calling the doctor about him tomorrow if it does not magically get better tonight. I signed up for MySpace today and Facebook, everyone has been asking us to join so I finally did. MySpace is actually pretty easy to figure out. I am keeping my blog though because I have put alot of time and effort into this thing and it is something that I really enjoy and I believe it has really helped me cope with all the stuff I have had to endure this past year. The way that this year is going things really don't look to promising. My Mother in Law called me this morning she had been in the ER with our Grandma. She has not been feeling well so she is another that I will be praying for tonight. My sister is finally feeling better I had not seen her in like 3 days because she has been running a fever and today she came over and we went tanning together. She leaves for Texas soon, so I got to squeeze in my Emma time because I am going to miss them.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My Life/ Not off to a good start!!!

Well so far 2008 has not been so great. I took Mackenzie to the doctor today because she said her heart keeps pounding (her words). Anyway all last night I could hardly sleep I kept thinking what if something is wrong with her heart, I tend to always think the worst out of habit. So I take her today and the doctor checks her out and said her heart sounds fine but gave her an EKG anyway which made me happy. Poor Mackenzie she had to lay there still with her shirt off with all these wires hooked up to her she looked so scared I told her that it would not hurt but she was still so unsure she was holding her breath. The EKG came back normal but with a few extra heart beats which the doctor said could be caused by caffeine. Which makes sense because she drinks mostly chocolate milk and she has had alot of pop around the holidays. She said to cut out all caffeine and see what that does and it was my choice if I wanted to have blood work done. I decided to get the blood work because I just wanted to make sure. I take her to the lab and they couldn't get anything out the first try, they are moving all around and Mackenzie is watching I keep telling her not to watch I was starting to feel dizzy from it. They decide to take it out and try the other arm. Mackenzie then Say's that she does not feel, well she is as white as a ghost. The nurse is trying to get her up to get to a chair and she just starts to fall her eyes are so big it really scared the life out of me. She said Mom I can't see you, I'm thinking what the hell is she going blind. Finally they lay her on a bed and elevate her legs and get a cold wash cloth she drifts in and out for a moment and then seems fine. They were able to get it from the other arm thankfully. So after all that drama I head home. I still worried about her at this point but I thought if I just cut out the caffeine she should be fine. Well that's what I get for assuming. The nurse calls me this afternoon to tell me that her potassium level is low. Okay so what do I do? The nurse said to give her more foods with potassium and they would retest it on Monday or Tuesday and that was probably making her heart beat fast. So I get off the phone and instantly start to worry that she must have an underlying problem that is making her potassium low. I call my husband crying he tells me that I am crazy and it is probably from not eating right. So all tonight I have been worrying if they are going to find something else wrong and dreading if they are going to call again tomorrow with more bad news. So John is working a double tonight and the plan was that I was going to go to meijers and buy healthy things for Kenzie. That's when things get crazy. Tyler has been complaining that he has a strange feeling in his throat when he eats, I have been telling him he's crazy, well tonight he started crying after Meijers so I finally took a peak in his mouth. Talk about feeling like a terrible Mom, his tonsils were so big I knew something was wrong. I call John because I was going to meet him for dinner after Meijers and said I was taking Ty to ER. I get to ER and decide to have Kenzie checked for a bladder infection because she had going pee alot today. We get to ER and we are all grumpy, we are tired and hungry and I am on the verge of tears. We were there for 2 hours and Ty ended up having strep throat and Kenzie was fine. So we finally eat dinner sometime after eight and rush home for baths and bed time. Now they are sleeping and I can't. I am just so worried about my girl. Honestly why did I ever expect 2008 to be calmer I mean this is my life we are talking about.... I guess all I can do is pray and wait.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

My Life/ Happy New Year....