CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Google
 

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Back from Vacation...


It's back to reality for me this week, after spending a week in the 80 degree weather I am back to freezing once again. We got home on Sunday afternoon. The drive home was so very long. Our trip started off like any other thing in my life, very rough. Five minutes before we were going to leave, I put all the kids on the deck to wait for Kristin to come while I put my purse in the truck. Well Tyler who I thought was getting into the truck decided to go for one last swing. Next thing I know my kids and Kristin kids are all playing in the back yard and Ash walked behind Tyler who was swinging and got kicked right in the mouth. I put a wash cloth on her mouth, offered her a snack but did not notice that her teeth had totally moved. Kristin came and we were on her way, later Kristin calls to tell me that Ash may have to have her teeth out, talk about feeling like crap, although it was an accident I still felt terrible because my child was the one responsible. I had a very bad Mom moment and really yelled at Tyler, which was not right of me, because it was an accident, so I upset him so he was literally sick to his stomach, for the first few days of our trip. Talk about feeling like crap, I know he did not intentionally hit Ashley but I had a not so perfect moment and let my worry for her teeth take over my emotions. In the worry for Ash, my sister was also upsetting me. From the moment we left she had not been excited about going. When we finally got to Florida she was not feeling well and it was really bothering me. I mean here we are in Florida going to Disney and she is down in the dumps. Needless to say by the end of the trip things got much better but I was reminded how hard it is to travel with others. During the vacation while shopping for laundry soap, (yup I had to still do laundry on vacation) Mackenzie was hopping around and hit her for head on the shopping cart. I seriously thought we were going to have to head to the ER, it looked so bad, but after a bit the big goose egg went down. During the trip I am trying to stay positive because I know that we will not be back here for a while but I still had my moments. All in all it was fun and the weather was awesome, and if I knew what would be in store for me when arriving home I might have considered staying forever. When we got home of course we are all tired and I am thinking about all the stuff I must get in order before Monday. I walk into a freezing house and a very torn apart house, my cats were very naughty and got into everything. I go to turn up the heat and very soon find out that my furnace is broke once again. I later go to see my Dad when he informs me that he has heart disease, this is all within hours of arriving home. I had to bust my butt to unpack, do laundry and get the kids things ready for school the next day and I have a million things running through my mind. Thank heaven for Prozac that is all I have to say. Monday rolls around and the furnace man comes with more bad news, I may have to buy a whole new furnace. I am thinking in my head, are you ******* kidding me, I just got back from a very expensive vacation, I literally have $5 cash in my wallet and he is telling me that I have to spend $2000 on a new furnace. I wanted to just cry, but instead I just took a deep breath and decided to just have faith, there was no sense worrying about things that are out of my control, again my thank you to Prozac.... The repair man must have needed someone to talk to because before I knew it he was explaining to me that his mother was in the hospital dying and they were not allowing anyone to visit her. I really think that I am in the wrong profession. I told him that I would be thinking of him and his family and praying for his mother, only me I swear this would happen to a man in his 50's sharing his heartache over his dying mother, it's all I could think of all afternoon. I guess it put my $2000 headache into perspective. After a cold long baseball practice I am changing into my pj's last night when John comes in and sits on the bed, with that certain look about him. I knew something was wrong, he starts out with I did not want to tell you this but my shop is probably going to be going on strike Thursday. I was like this Thursday???? Is this some bad dream? Of all the times. Needless to say I am very thankful once again for my Prozac and am hoping for a much better day today...

Monday, April 28, 2008

Universal Studios

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I need a Vacation...

The count down is on for Florida. We are leaving Thursday night, I can't believe that it is already here. It could not come at a more perfect time. These last few days have been so darn stressful.. Most of it is because of the vacation. John is the head baseball coach so we have to have everything in order for the team while we are gone. I spent a good portion of the day searching for baseball uniforms only to come up 2 short. I called to see if I could order some more but was informed that there was no money in the baseball budget for some new shirts. So becoming more and more pissed by the minute I searched Johns closet and my closet in and out, finding nothing. The kids are fighting, Johns irritated because I'm flipping out, it was not a good night. Finally after calling a few players we figured out that two of last years players never turned theirs in. Mackenzie had her first Soccer practice and she will miss 2 games on the count of this trip, so I really hope we have fun.. I have something else I would like to share that is really bothering me but I am not sure how to talk about it because certain people may be offended, but I really need to vent... My sister is having a very difficult time with her mother in law right now. Ever since Todd's death they have not spoken as much. At first Steph tried to call her at least once a month and try to make plans to see her. She invited her to Emma's first birthday and she never showed, called or sent a card or anything for that matter. Steph last seen her on Thanksgiving were she was not so nice to her. At Christmas time Steph sent her a Card and a gift and never heard anything from her. Now Steph has been struggling with this for a few months on if she should keep calling or not. Well needless to say Steph has not called and her mother in law finally called her the other day and was pissed. She wants to see Emma, and Steph said thats fine, she even offered to stop by that day, but was told that if she stopped things would be ugly. She also informed her that she only wants to see Emma not Stephanie. She wants Steph to drop Emma off. Which My sister has a real problem with. She wants his Mom to be a part of Emma's life and spend time with her but she does not feel comfortable just dropping her off. I mean Emma would cry because she would not even know who she is. Steph told her that she did not think that was going to work and his Mom got all upset and screamed that she had a lawyer and she has Grandparents rights and that my sister would need to get a lawyer. I can't believe that she is willing to go this far with this whole thing. My sister is not a bad person, she has never denied her to see Emma, she is a very protective mom and just does not feel comfortable dropping her off right now. I just don't see why she can't go by my sisters wishes. How crappy for someone to tell you that they don't wish to see you only the baby. If I were in that situation I hope that my mother in law would treat me better. This should bring a family closer not tear them apart. Now my sister has contacted a lawyer of her own and who knows how long this whole thing will drag out. So I am kinda happy we are taking her out of town away from all this crap. I actually feel sorry for Todd's Mom because she has to be so pig headed that she is just waisting precious time with Emma. I was a very protective mom when my kids were little. I allowed them to stay at my Moms only over night, and that was only if I needed her to take them and because she lives just down the road. Some parents do not leave their children, especially an 18 month old. What bothers me the most is Emma is Stephanies daughter, she knows what is best for her. I would not like my own mother demanding me to leave my kids. You just don't demand such a thing. So who knows, I hate being in the middle of this because their are some of Todd's family members that I do care about so I don't want to offend them but Steph is my sister and I am going to help her in whatever way I can. I am praying that everything works out for the best.

Mackenzie finally lost her tooth....



Well it's official Mackenzie is a big girl, she has lost her first tooth. She got off the bus as proud as can be, It was the cutest thing.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Happy 30th Birthday John.......


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Waiting...


Poor Mackenzie has been waiting for a month now for her loose tooth to fall out. Everyday it gets a bit more loose but is still not quite ready. The Dentist even gave her a fancy box to put her tooth in once she looses it but days later still no luck. She informed me that most everyone in her class has lost at least one tooth but her. Tyler did not loose his first tooth until he was in 2nd grade, so she's at least doing better than he was. I love how this somehow becomes my fault, But Mom why won't it come out? As if I am the one keeping it from falling out.... Hopefully by the end of Spring break she will be missing one of her front teeth, that would give her a reason to want to go back to school Monday...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Remembering Todd...

Monday, April 7, 2008

One Year Later... R.I.P Sgt. Todd Singleton

I can't believe that it has been a year since Todd's death. April 8, 2007 a day in which my family will never forget. This past year has just been unbelievable. I still remember that day as clear as ever, I also will forever remember the pain of that day. I still remember crying myself to sleep that night and only sleeping for maybe an hour and waking up remembering that he was really gone, that feeling would soon hit me like a ton of bricks over and over again for the weeks that followed. Seeing his coffin arrive at Little old Muskegon Airport still haunts my thoughts. Watching a wife and mother, father, sister & brother in so much sorrow is something a heart never forgets. I thought life would never be good again... I did not see how it ever could... But with time the shock fades and life must go on. I still think of him daily, that has not changed, the smallest things remind me of him, certain songs that he would annoy me and sing as loud as he could, him and I loved to disagree, I swear he found enjoyment out of pissing me off. I still cannot find the courage to take his email address off my contacts, I look at his address every time I forward something. Emma thank goodness is still to young to understand but is already wondering where her Daddy is.. She calls John and Rich Daddy because she knows no different, why does everybody else have someone to call Daddy and she does not? Steph does a wonderful job by showing Emma Todd's pictures every day. They have a certain picture she kisses every day of her Daddy. It's funny how Daddy seems to be her favorite word these days. She waves at every truck and waves bye Daddy. My heart breaks for her when I think about it long enough. A year later are we all any better? Have we accepted it finally? These are the questions that everyone wants to know. Well a year later after all the firsts, I can tell you for me, life does go on and it does get easier but the hurt, the wanting so badly to talk to him or see him just one more time still is there. My Sister is one tough cookie, I remember spending many nights with her on the bathroom floor ( I know what a weird place to talk, but we were not in the right state of mind) she would just cry and say I can't do this Shelly, I am not strong enough, The day his body arrived I was the most worried about her, she really thought she might die right on the spot, she even went as far as requesting an ambulance to be near in case she could not make it. For the first few days I had to remind her every hour that she could do this, she had no other choice, soon it would become less and less I would have to reassure her. Slowly she began to live again. She still has her days, and especially these past few weeks we have been talking more, sharing, crying. One thing that we often talk about is our strong faith in God. We know that someday we will see Todd again. Until then all any of us can really do is live our lives to the fullest. Try not to take one person for granted because you really never know when they could be gone... I pray every night for all the Soldiers, the ones we have lost the ones that are still there or may have to go back. Every Soldier has a story, a family, a special purpose in life. The sacrifices these men and women make for us is just something so huge for us to understand unless you have lost someone you love. I used to hear of other Soldiers being killed in Iraq and think gee's thats awful, but go on with my life, but now it's our life, our loved one is gone, and the sun still sets and rises, every ones life does go on, but we are still here without him, trying to move forward one day at a time. So today I remember Todd a Soldier, a son, a husband, a father, a brother, a grandson, an Uncle and a special friend. We will never forget his Sacrifice for it is our sacrifice...

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Hitting Rock Bottom....

I called my Uncle tonight, the one that tried to kill himself months ago, it was his 51st birthday yesterday and I forgot to call him. I actually remembered it yesterday but I really was to afraid to call. I have been hearing that things have not gotten any easier for him these past months. His son stopped by my house this morning to kind of bring me up to date on everything that has been going on with him. I guess he is experiencing some affects from the toxins he inhaled when trying to end his life. He has short term memory loss, terrible pains in his legs, shortness of breath. They have their house up for sale and are moving in with his wife's Dad. As most everyone knows he sold his business last summer and thats when everything else has been on a downward spiral. I finally get up the nerve to call at about 6pm, I talked to him until 8:30. Which is something I have never done with him on the phone. He was very happy to hear from me but soon he was just filled with sadness. He was becoming more and more choked up as he was just spilling his guts out to me. Soon tears are just streaming down my face. I just don't know how to help him. You have to understand, My Uncle was like a Dad to me when I was younger, We lived with him when I was a baby, I did not know who my real Dad was until I was three, so I used to go around calling him Dad. When My parents got together and were married I still spend most weekends with him. He would always make such yummy dinners for us kids, he loved to cook and spoil us. He showed me more love as a child than my own father ever has my whole life. I used to wish I had a Dad like him. For as long as I can remember he has always had money. He spoiled all of his kids rotten. Not only did he show them affection he gave them anything and everything. I loved going shopping with him and my cousins because it was a guarantee I would get something. My parents never had much money so we were not able to go out to eat at nice places, McDonalds & Burger King was it, but my Uncle would take us to Red Lobster or really any place we wanted to go. He really had an affect on me. He was the most kind giving man. The last person that I would ever see falling apart. He kept reminding me on the phone, that a year ago everything was wonderful, his wife threw him a big 50 bash at a hall. It was so much fun. He wishes he could just go back to that moment. My mind begins wandering I remember that Day. I remember I picked up a special card and wrote something sappy in it. I also remember that day because it was the last time my Sister would ever talk to to Todd. He called right before the party and told her that he was going into a bad area and she would not hear from him for a while and not to worry, he would be home in a few weeks. Little did she know that would be her last conversation with her husband. Little did I know that would be the last time I would see my Uncle happy. The life he described to me just breaks my heart, I don't know how to help. John gets upset because he thinks I take on the worlds problems. He believes I waste to much time worrying about everyone else. He hates seeing me cry and he also just does not understand why he can't snap out of it. I just can't stop worrying about others, it's who I am, it defines who I am. I can go get my hair done and leave knowing every shocking detail or problem of the hair dresser. It amazes John, how people find it so easy to open up to me. I call it a gift, the one true thing I do right. I feel blessed to have such compassion for people. I feel awesome if I can make someone else feel better or like they are not alone. So when someone I love is in such despair, it really does bother me that I cannot find the words or ways to help him. I want to help him, I feel bad because I feel like I just put distance between us because I did want to see him that way, thats so bothersome to me, and usually not like me at all. I do know that I can't give up on him. Life was much more easy as a kid.....

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

My Crazy Nephew