Monday, September 29, 2008

Dance Routine

Hailey Update....

Hailey had another doctors appointment Friday morning and they removed her cast to be able to take yet another X Ray of her elbow. She did so good but for at least 15 more days she will need to wear her cast that they reused (gross). The good thing is that we can remove it for bath time.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Happy 11th Birthday Tyler

It seems like only yesterday I was holding you in my arms for the very first time, hearing you say your very first word, seeing you walk your very first step. Now 11 years later I am having to let you grow up a bit more with each new day. Before I became a mom, I had no idea how much you could really love another person, then you were born and you became the most important person in my world. My heart was over flowing with love and constant worry for your well being. We used to dance together to Elton John's "The way you look tonight" it would put you right to sleep. Something about your smile and your kind heart and the way you sometimes now comfort me 11 years later, reminds me each day how lucky I am to have a son like you. Happy 11th Birthday Tyler, I love you!!!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Mackenzie's Field Trip....

I got to on Mackenzie's 1st field trip of the school year, this is something that I very rarely get the chance to do. I don't get personal days in Daycare, I like to use my vacation time for actual vacations, so when doctors appointments come up or field trips I try to find a sitter which is usually one of my sisters, or sometimes John will arrange his schedule for me at work so I can attend and no one else has to find another sitter. Yesterday was one of those days, Katie who switched her own works hours to help me stayed at my house with a few kids so that I could go to Lewis Farms with Mackenzie. Those of you who really know Kenzie just know that she suffers from middle child syndrome. She's not quite big enough to do what her big brother sometimes does, but she is not the baby of the family either, this results in many arguments between her and I and basically she tells me that I don't spend as much time with her as she would like. Yes I am often reminded this on a daily basis, so yesterday morning was her day. We had a great time, she had to hold my hand almost the whole time, she loved having my full attention and it felt nice just spending time with her. Another Mom made me feel so good, she had said that last year in class she had helped Mackenzie with a lesson on writing about what she wanted to be when she was a grown up, "I remember this and I believe I saved this because it touched me so" She wrote that when she grew up she wanted to be a "MOM" just like her mom. The other Mom said she was the only one in the class who had written such a thing, most wanted to teachers, doctors, not Mackenzie she wanted to be a "MOM" like hers. I remember reading it at the time and thinking "we need to establish a bit more expectations in life" but this other Mom was like "you must be one amazing mom"
Can you really ever get a better compliment than that?? I'd say that I have a pretty amazing daughter and I am the lucky one... So special thanks to Katie for always being there to watch a few kids so I don't miss being a Mom sometimes, and to Steph who will be helping me out next week when I go with Hailey to the Farmers Market. Without your help I would not be able to do these things, I appreciate it more than you'll ever know...

Friday, September 19, 2008


My head these last few days has just been spinning with all the thinking I have been doing. John would say that I am just being myself but lately I have been feeling like my mind has been putting in a lot of over time. The worry of Hailey and her broken arm, adjusting to school, making lunches, kids school pictures, book orders, the list goes on. Tyler will be turning 11 next Friday, that has got me feeling really depressed. He is so big but yet still my baby. I was thinking back to when I was in 5th grade and the things I used to worry about. It just does not seem possible that Tyler is experiencing some of these same things. He and I shared some quality time outside Wednesday night, which never happens, I have no idea what the girls were doing but we were all alone. It was so nice just listening to him talk about things. He can be such a grown up when he wants to be. We got on the subject of mean kids, he started to get choked up a bit, I started asking questions and he quickly said Mom I don't want to talk anymore, well that was not going to work for me, so I pushed a bit harder and the next thing I know he was in tears and I was pissed, I promised him that I would not share to much of this with anyone (I know here I am blogging about it) I just need to get it off my chest, but for his sake I won't get into details, he is just having some problems with a few boys at school that he used to be great friends with but now they have turned very competitive at recess and if Tyler scores a goal playing soccer, they will literally push him down and call him names and cheat at the game so that they always win. Instantly I want to call their parents, but I have to stop myself, I can't fix every problem for him, he does not want me too, and as much as I would like to go to school and kick 2 5th graders butts, I can't!!! He said Mom, if these boys keep pushing me I am going to push them back, I have always taught Tyler not to hit or hurt anyone, but he is not in first grade anymore, John explained to me that Tyler must not be afraid or it will only make matters worse. Tyler wanted to make sure that if he got into trouble at school for defending himself he was not going to be in trouble at home with us. John told Tyler the next time someone pushes you to push them back. My advise was just don't play with them, he said he was taking his Dads advise because he was a boy. See Kristin, you thought you had problems with Isaac & Alli fighting in school, wait until it involves other peoples kids, you have tons to look forward too. I have no idea what will come about with all this, nothing happened yesterday, so maybe the problem will just go away. So Wednesday night I found myself just sobbing thinking about Tyler and the bully's he may someday face at school, John wanted me to watch a movie with him that night, he said it would take my mind off things, we watched the Kingdom, very good movie but not if you have lost someone in another country. There was a lot of truth to this movie so maybe that is why it hit so close to home. It got me thinking about how Todd was killed in another country, by the people he was there to help, by nights end I am crying, mad, sad and feeling very confused about life and asking God why do things have to be so hard?? I guess it is just another day in the life... All I can do is just keep moving on like I have been until the next issue occurs and then I will deal with it then...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Mackenzie will love this!!

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This made me smile....

I had left a diaper out on my counter and when I went to find it to change Andon I could not find the darn the thing. I thought that I was losing my mind when I looked over and saw it on Eeyore. For all of you who don't know Eeyore, he is Ashley's most favorite toy in the world. I asked Ashley why Eeyore needed the diaper, her response was that he had to poop and she did not want the mess.... I love Kids....

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Following Jesus Christ

Tomorrow is a huge day for me... I will be getting baptized... This is something that I have really been thinking about for a long time now. About two years ago I was given the book "The Purpose Driven Life", it is the book that takes you so many days to read because you can only read a chapter a day. I was given this at a very difficult time of my life. I was fighting anxiety and depression, that was making me crazy and putting a real strain on my marriage, I had a lot of issues. My youngest sister Katie loaned me the book, she thought it might help. I was desperate, so I read.. John was working the night shift so I would read a chapter every night before bed. My sister Steph would come over at night and we would discuss it and sometimes I would even read it out loud to her... Remember this is all before we lost Todd... I remember reading that you needed to find a church home and family, I thought at the time, I didn't need church to believe in God, (I still believe that) God is with you no matter what!!! but at the time I thought I would never be a member of a church I was just to busy... Finally I finished the book but nothing really changed, I mean I may have thought of God more often but I still seemed to be so darn depressed... Then Todd was killed, I like everyone else starts questioning God.. For the very first time in my life instead of running from God when I had problems, I decided to run to him. Not full force or over night but God is what got me through it... I started remembering more and more about what the book had said and I started seeing things way more clearer than ever before. I had so much hurt from miscarriages, daily life struggles and relationships I did not know how to handle them, finally one day in my bathroom, I just cried and asked God to help me, to hear me and to guide me. This may sound strange to some and I am not trying to preach but for the first time I felt relieved. After this everything else just seemed to fall into place, better relationships, feeling happier, and finding a church home. Every time I attend church I feel as if the pastor is talking directly to me.. Now tomorrow I am going to be baptized, but what makes this even more special? I am doing it with my husband and Lea. We have all chosen to follow Jesus Christ how wonderful is that??!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Remembering 9/11

Monday, September 8, 2008

Hailey Update..

We went to the see the bone doctor this morning and had another Xray taken. Things still looked the same so the doctor put her in a "pink" cast and said that we need to come back in a week for another xray with the cast on and that will determine surgery or not. He seems to be fairly confident that she will not need it, but with our luck many prayers are still needed. Thanks to everyone who has called and left messages your thoughts and prayers are very appreciated. She is one tough cookie thats for sure.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I spoke to soon...

Just as I am feeling relief about the school issue and life started feeling a bit calm again, my darling Hailey falls from out steps that lead up to our play area on our swing set and breaks her arm. YES BREAKS HER ARM... We had just gotten home from Mackenzie's game and I brought my nephew inside and my three kids go out to the back yard to play while we are getting ready to take them all out for dinner. Not even five minutes inside I hear this awful screaming and crying, I go running outside and Hailey has a mouth full of dirt and is holding her arm. At first John was sure that she had not broken it because she could move it, but I knew when she wanted to go to the doctor it must be bad, what four year old wants to go to the doctor. So off to the ER we go, I sat in the back trying to comfort Hailey as best I could, but she literally had all of us in tears, Tyler and Kenzie were all upset and crying. It is the very worst feeling in the world when your child is hurt and you can't take the pain away. The whole time in ER I felt like puking but had to remain strong for her. They took some xrays and determined that she broke it at her Elbow, which is a very painful break the doctor said, which explains why she was in so much pain. The wrapped it and we have to go back Monday to a bone doctor to look at and cast it, I am praying for no surgery. After the pain meds kicked in she was able to play but she is already sick of having her arm wrapped up. She slept horrible last night so I am hoping for a better night because we both need our sleep. I think back and still can't believe that this happened, I was just reading about Lori's daughter Gracie and how she broke her arm and had to have surgery and now a few days later, my own daughter breaks her arm. Go Figure!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

A bit of relief...

Finally my day of dread is over, meaning Hailey's first day of school. All weekend long it was all I thought about. We did so many fun things but in the back of my mind it was always there. John thinks I am crazy, he did not understand what the big deal was, I think in my case I have never had to send my kids somewhere, so the whole trusting my kids with others who don't really know them is such a huge deal to me. I acted the same when each kid started school but honestly this time around affected me way more because she is my last one. The night before I probably got maybe 2 hours sleep, I either had a stomach bug or it was just my nerves, so by the time I got her on the bus I was just a wreck with no sleep. She did so good, but as the bus pulled away I bawled like a baby. I jumped in the truck and headed to school so that I could find a secret spot to watch her get off the bus. Camera in hand I waited and pretty soon the cutest little girl in pig tails just jumps off the bus all excited and followed a helper right to her class. I should have left but being the stalker I am I had to follow. She had a bit of trouble opening the door to her class room but she made it in and I watched from the window for a bit. She put her back pack up and started playing with puzzles. I cried the whole way home. She doesn't need her Mommy like she used too. Now the reality sets in and time presses on. My next huge milestone will be with Tyler when he goes into middle school next year, oh well at least I have a whole year to prepare myself..