Friday, March 30, 2007

My Life/ Life is just to busy!!!

On top of everybody being sick around here all week, we had lots going on. We had conferences for my son and daughter which I am happy to report they are both doing very well. My son did awesome on his MEAP test. I talked to my daughter's teacher more about her fear of writing in her journal because she is still giving me such a hard time about going to school on journal day. He teacher just told me to keep doing what I am doing and hopefully she will over come her anxiety over the whole thing. We are starting baseball next week which is also spring break at our school. My husband is the head coach for my son's team which in other words means more work for me. I had to call everyone last night to let them know when practice will be starting. I am the behind the scenes coach. I am not athletic what so ever. I am afraid of the ball, my son laughs a lot at me when I try to pitch to him. Thankfully he takes after my husband he got all of his sports skills. I had two sisters and was never really encouraged to play sports. I tried basketball but like I said the athletic ability is just not there. I used to be so envious of the real sporty girls in high school the ones that were just good at everything. I am going to try to encourage my girls to play sports or to at least try them anyway. This parenting stuff is a lot harder than I ever imagined. The work, the worry the responsibility. It never ends. At times I think maybe one more especially when I see a newborn but then I think maybe NOT, when I think of all the worry that comes with another child. They are all worth it at the end of the day even my terrible two year old. Which since she was sick had been much more calm and go with the flow, I know this won't last but I'll sure take it while I can. She told me this morning that I was her baby and gave me the biggest smooch ever. Moments like that are priceless and remind me why I do the things I do for these kids. The running, volunteering, homework it's all worth it. Even my two year olds stubborn ways. What can you do they won't be little forever.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My Life/ Sickness

We have a nasty stomach bug going through our house. My husband and I had it yesterday and my 2 year old came down with it last night. Some of my daycare kids have been out with it all week also. It must be the time of year for it because everyone I talk to has something. It really is terrible to be sick when the weather is so nice out. You lay in bed wishing you could be outside playing with your kids. Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself I think of Gavin the little guy with cancer, what he endures everyday. I'm happy to report that he is doing well with his 3rd transplant. He just has to get rid of a few infections and he can't leave his room because of the risk of germs. I think he will be in the hospital until the middle of April. Hopefully he will be Cancer free.

Monday, March 26, 2007

My Life/ Home At Last!!

Well we made it home without anyone getting sick. Thank goodness for that! It took forever to get home though and the weather was so nice Saturday and Sunday. It had rained a lot Saturday morning in Chicago but by the afternoon it was just beautiful. Yesterday it was even better temps reached over 70 degree's. I can't wait to go back I would like to take the kids to the Sears Tower we just did not have the time with everyone being sick. I love to travel it's the coming home part that gets me. The unpacking and all the laundry, and especially when you have to go back to work the next day. I used to get homesick as a child when I went on family vacations which probably makes no sense because I was with my family but I really missed home and I would have bad anxiety attacks. But over the years and especially since I have had kids I love going new places with them. I think it's because I want them to see and do everything.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

My Life/ We made it!!!!

Okay so my trip to Chicago is not as relaxing as I planned. My son was not feeling well last night when we picked him up from his Nana's house, my husband and I assumed it was because he ate to much junk food. We tell my mom time and time again to not let them eat junk and she can't seem to tell them no. So we brought him home and he went straight to bed. We got up at about 5 am and he said he felt much better. So we were off. About half way in to our trip in the middle of my husband and I trying to figure out where the heck we are my son announces he does not feel good again. Being the prepared Mom I am I give him a towel just in case. Now mind you we are in a rented car so it is much smaller and alot more confined. My two year old monster is bucked in her car seat in the middle and my son is on one side of her and my other daughter on the other side of her. We are on a busy highway trying to find our next exit and my son decides to blow chunks. Which this is huge for him, he is 9 years old and this was only his second time ever throwing up, so he thought he was dying. Luckily he managed to get in only in the towel. So I was like this is not so bad we will just wrap it up and throw it away at the next gas station. Well as my luck would have it nothing ever could be that easy. My two year old then decides it's her turn to blow chunks because her brothers made her gag. I managed to catch most of hers in her favorite blanket. By this time my son and daughter are both crying and my husband is pissed at me because I can't read a map correctly and we are freezing because we have every window rolled down because of the smell. My other daughter who is 6 slept through the entire ordeal. Finally we pull into the parking lot of our Hotel and I feel this sense of relief we made it. Then all of a sudden my quiet daughter starts to puke and she just does not do it once oh no she does it four times and instead of doing it on her blanket she does it all over the back seat all over herself, her back pack, everything. Then from her getting sick my two year starts gagging all over again. Apart of me wanted to laugh, cry and scream. Only us I swear. I had to walk my daughter through the lobby with puke all down her clothes and then if that is not bad enough we enter the elevator very quickly but not quick enough because two others jump on to, talk about feeling embarrassed the puke smell was terrible. They just starred. I'm glad to report that all the kids are swimming in the pool as I type this and are feeling much better. Who knows whats in store for the way home. Stay tuned!!!!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

My Life/ Chicago

I am so excited we are going to Chicago this weekend for a mini shopping get away. Something I really need after the week I've had. We are going to an outlet mall and staying overnight so the kids can swim. And my husband is back on the day shift starting Monday now maybe I can finally get some things done around here at night. Hopefully my 2 year old can maintain herself on our get away. With her it all depends on the day. It' only about a 4 hour drive so she should be fine she is used to riding in the car, and if she can ride all the way to Florida she can handle anything. I'm mostly worried about the shopping and her loud mouth in restaurants. With her anything is possible. I am going to try to enjoy myself this weekend I am going to try hard not to worry about everyone Else's problems which will be a battle for me since everyone I know has been leaning on me because of struggles in all their lives. I have to really learn how to not get so emotionally involved because it takes over my own life. Thanks everyone for all your caring words it really helps me feel better. Have a great weekend!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

My Life/ My Breakdown

Ever had a day when you wish you never got out of bed? That's my day today. I have been keeping alot of feelings bottled up in me for a very long time and today most of those things just came out. I'd like to say I feel better now but my chest just have that heavy feeling that I just can't get rid of. Of all the day's this has to happen my youngest sister decided to leave her husband. Nothing is ever simple with my sister if it was it would not be her. She had to put him in jail for domestic violence which is what he deserved because he hit her, but this is what they do. They fight bad and they always get back together in the end. Now I have her son which I adore of course but that is just one more kid for me that I can't handle having my own problems right now. But of course I'll take care of him because she cannot. I wish she would get her life in order. Not only for herself but for her son. The last time she left her husband, she partied and left her son with me or my mom. She is just not ready to be a mom. I worry that someday she will regret this and the lack of time she spends with him. But she is still very young and confused. Our family tries to help her but there is only so much we can do. I pray that something good will happen for her that she will find her way to happiness. I'm just unsure if that's possible with the paths she chooses. I don't know why so many responsibilities always fall on me. I am to the point were I just can't always be there for everyone else. Does anyone care about me. I mean I know they care but can they really see beneath that I am falling apart. I'm to the point where I do not want to get out of bed anymore, it's just everyone is just to busy telling me their own problems and expecting me to manage everything to really take a close look at me. Which makes me feel even more alone. I'm worn out by the time my day care closes I have to make my family dinner so that my husband can get to work, then I am a single parent the rest of the night. I try to pick up my house because I can't do much during the day because my husband is sleeping and I have to keep the kids as quiet as possible then I have to make my sons lunch for the next day, help with homework, give baths and put them all to bed. The night shift is no shift for a family. It puts to much responsibility on just one parent. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

My Life/ My Friend

One of my good friends husband was having bad headaches for about 2 months, one was so bad he ended up going to the emergency room. Where they gave him some type of shot and made the headache go away. I guess they ruled out anything major at that point. Well he was still getting these headaches and he just did not feel right, so he decided to go get a complete physical. Which you know he must feel terrible because most men avoid the doctor as much as possible. Well I guess the doctor was concerned so he made an appointment for a cat scan and a small mass showed up on this picture. Of course they are freaking out. He has to have an MRI tomorrow, to determine the actual size and to figure out what his next move should be. I don't know why maybe it's because I am more aware of things that people have, or it is just that more people are being diagnosed with these things, it just seems like every time I turn around I am hearing about someone having cancer, brain tumors, or other terrible illnesses. I guess when you are younger you don't pay as much attention to these things and the older we get the more we start to pay closer attention because it affects the people we care about most.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

My Life/ The Basketball game!!!

We had my son's basketball game this morning. We are doing really good this season. We have only lost one game. Today's game was so close. But we won so the boys were pretty happy. The game was very interesting though, a few of the parents from the other team were arguing over a play that did not work for their team. It was kinda scary. I thought for a moment that they might actually fight physically. I mean the boys were on the same team one guy was criticizing the other ones son. I mean these are third and forth grade KIDS. I've heard about crazy parents who only care about winning on TV but I have never seen it at one of our games. The one guy was crazy acting. I mean these are children winning is not everything. It bothers me that these two grown men do not know any better especially in front of children. What kind of example is that? I mean I get excited for our team when we win, but it does not really matter. I just love that he plays and has fun doing it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

My Life

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My Life/ Another Nice Day!!!

It was a perfect day today. The sun was shining the temps were in the 60's. The bad news is cooler weather is back in the forecast. That's depressing, but hopefully just one more month of cold temps. I took all the daycare kids out today and they went crazy. We are all ready for spring. Oh my gosh I have been coming across so many awesome blogs while surfing blog explosion. So many blogs that just touch me and that I can relate to. There are some amazing writers and people out there just wanting to be heard or find someone to connect with. I love it. It's nice to know that so many share the same issues in our lives. For someone like me it helps me feel better. I always have so much to say and no one to really listen. I think that blogging is very good therapy for those who choose to use it in that way. The whole Anna Nicole Smith saga continues I'm trying not to keep up on it as much because my obsessions can get out of hand. I become to addicted to the television. I see that Howard K Stern is still dodging the whole paternity test. Which Say's in itself that he is not the father. What a messed up situation. They have some private investigator coming forth now saying that Anna's son Daniel contacted him to investigate Howard K Stern before Daniels death. This man claims that Daniel was afraid of Howard and thought that he was giving Anna drugs. Which makes it look suspicious if this is really true. Which who really knows anymore. The story gets stranger and stranger every day, but yet I still can't help but pay attention.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

My Life - I love the weather

Ever notice how when the weather finally gets warmer people are a lot happier? Winter is so depressing. I love actually seeing the sunlight. The snow is finally melting and we might actually see 60 degree's this week. My kids are so excited. I took my truck and vacuumed it out and washed it today, which everyone else was doing also. Everyone was so friendly and in such good moods. It must be the sunshine. I am having a hard time with the time change though. I have a feeling that it is going to be tough getting my kids to bed and waking them up for school in the morning. My husband took my son to work with him for alittle while today and I took the girls out for their favorite lunch. They love the Chinese buffet in town. Except today they did not have the almond chicken they both love, so they were disappointed. Still I thought we are having mother daughter time, and then my 2 year old decides that she is going to have a melt down over I am not even sure what exactly. I swear everyone in the restaurant was looking at us. It never fails things hardly ever run smoothly when I try to have some quality time. After lunch we then attempted to stop at the grocery store. First we spent 15 minutes in the restroom because my 2 year old could not decide if she has to poop or not. She finally decides not, so we are off shopping she refused to sit in the cart and since I was just getting a few things I let her walk. She was riding on the end of the cart and somehow got her foot stuck and being the drama queen she is she screamed like she was dying. I swear half the store came running. It was not really her foot that was stuck it was her fancy black boot, (that she insists on wearing everywhere) so all I had to do was pull her foot out of the boot and then take the boot out. Simple right? Nothings ever simple with a 2 year old. She thought it was stuck there forever. Needless to say I am sure we left quite the impression on everyone in the store. My older kids never had the tantrums like my youngest. I used to be one of those Moms that would say I will never let my kids run my life. Well that lasted until my youngest daughter was born. She has always been so high maintenance. I find myself giving in just to get her to be quiet, which I know is wrong but nothing works with her. I was just telling my girlfriend yesterday that she seems to be getting better. Well that was until today I thought that. Oh well kids, gotta love them.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

My Life- Praying for Gavin

Ever hear a story that for some unknown reason touches you deeply? The story of Gavin has touched my heart in ways I can't begin to explain. I have never met this young boy, but I feel as if I know him. He is a 7 year old boy with cancer. Not just any childhood cancer but a rare type of childhood leukemia called JMML ( Juvenile Myelomeonocytic Leukemia ). This type of cancer is so rare they don't know much about it or what even causes it. This young boy is making history in the medical books. He has to be one of the strongest 7 years olds. The pain and sickness he endures everyday. Most adults could not contend with. The reason he has made it this far the doctors say, is because if his attitude. He is truly a fighter. He has had two bone marrow transplants that have failed and just received another one. We are praying that this is the one. He needs to get GVH which means he needs to get really sick before he gets better. They believe this time with this transplant he has GVH, hopefully just enough to let him kick this cancer out this time, but with GVH it can also make you so sick and cause other complications. The mother of this boy is unbelievable. She has such courage and strength I just don't know how she does it. I often wonder what I would be like in her situation and I can't even think about it for more than 2 minutes, it scares me to death. I don't want to ever think about it happening to one of my children, I just can't. So how this brave mother copes with this daily is beyond me. They say that when things like this happens, you just do what you have to do. Especially for you sick child. I think she puts a lot of faith and positive energy into caring for him. He has been in and out of the hospital. He has his good days along with his bad and she just seems to handle everything with such strength. She and her son are hero's to many. They honestly believe that he will win this battle. I have to say I do to. No one thought he would make it this far, and so far he has proven everyone wrong. He is such a fighter. Anyone who reads this please take a moment and pray for Gavin. They believe so strongly in the power of prayer and they could use all the prayers they could get right now. I'll try to set up a link to his website so you can see this brave boys journey for yourself. It really makes you think about all the stuff we complain about in life, I mean when my kids have the flu it feels like the end of the world because I can't do much to help them, I can't imagine if they had to endure everyday what this little boy has to. It makes you more thankful for your healthy children. I think I will go hug each of mine right now. Be thankful everyone and please pray for Gavin. Thanks!!

Monday, March 5, 2007

My life/ My Husband

Well I made it through another busy monday with tons of kids, I would feel relieved but tomorrow is going to be even busier. My husband and I are like strangers these days. He is back on the night shift (which I hate) and working a 10 hour shift. We are so busy with our business and our other jobs, we barely have any time to do normal things. It scares me how much I miss this man. I often take for granted what a good guy he truly is. Especially when I think of my friend that is pregnant and her husband that wants to leave her. Which things between them are not much better. Anyway it scares me to think that we all change and grow and maybe our life partner will not grow and change in the same way we do. It makes us vulnerable especially when you really love someone. My husband and I were married young. I got pregnant with my son when I was 20 and we were married 6 weeks after he was born. Everybody said this marriage would not last. We were young, very poor, but very much in love. I think that made the difference. We did not marry because of our son, if that were the case we would have gotton married before I had him. Believe me I was criticised for not getting married right away. I believe that there are no mistakes in life. Certain things just happened for me to meet him at the perfect time. We clicked. He became one of my best friends, and still is to this very day. I mean we have our fights we do that well to. The older I get the more I realize how much I really do love this man. He is an awesome father to our three kids. He is a great friend to me. He is the first person I want to talk to and the last person I want to talk to in a day. This whole thing with my friend has got me scared though. As strong as I believe our relationship is, will it always be strong? Or will it change. Will we grow apart or grow together. It scares the hell out of me. I would be lost without him. Which scares me even more. I hate feeling vulnerable it is my personality to be strong, but inside I am just as scared as the next one. I guess we really don't know what changes life will bring to us, all we can do is believe that there are no mistakes in life. To all those who thought our relationship would never last, I just laugh because I know they are just eating their words. Nine years of marriage and three kids and we are still in love.