Monday, December 3, 2007

My Life/ Confused.....

I just got back from the hospital where I was visiting my uncle. He tried to kill himself this morning. I can't believe that I just typed that. My uncle, my favorite uncle tried to end his life today. Thank God he did not succeed. He has been on a downward spiral now for months now but NEVER did I think it would come down to this. My Mom called this afternoon on her way to the hospital to tell me. You know you are never prepared to hear those words. Hearing my Mom so upset I just wanted to cry for her. This was her big brother someone she had always looked up to. I am so confused how can a 50 year old man with a wife and many kids, 2 grand kids, tons of friends and a family that love and care so much about him feel he needed to end his life. I asked him flat out what was so bad about your life? He weeped when telling me that he really did not know, he could not answer. To know this man he is the most put together 50 year old I know, he loves his looks they are very important to him and he loves his kids. He is the best Dad, I used to pretend he was my Dad growing up. He did so much for all of us. His youngest child is around Tyler's age, what the hell was he thinking? Seeing him just lying there in his hospital bed just bothered me so bad. He wanted to talk tell me everything which kinda shocked me. He said he had it planned for day's. He picked a remote spot in the woods, bought some type of Dryer hose. Left the house in the middle of the night. Drove to his location, hooked it up and just waited.... Waited to die. He thought he would just fall unconscious and peacefully die. That did not happen. He told me that after about 20 minutes he wanted to stop, he changed his mind but he just could not. That would mean that he would have to face everyone so he sat there for almost 3 hours, just getting sick, having weird visions. Finally he thought God must not want me to die today. He actually drove home to his wife. She said he was so yellow and his hair was sticking straight up, she just knew what he had done. By now he is really sick. She drives him to ER. They can't believe he is alive. He had a diesel truck lucky for him, I guess that makes a difference. He is still not out of the woods yet. His throat and lungs are burned in fact all around his mouth is burned. He is at high risk for a heart attack, they have him in ICU. He could have lasting affects of this on his body. I have never seen anyone like this. I tried so hard to get my Mom to come home with me or at least eat but all my attempts failed. On the way home from the hospital my sister and I just sat in Silence for the longest time. Finally she just started crying. Why has this been such a terrible year for our family? I have no answer for her. First we loose Todd in such a tragic way, then my dear grandpa finds out that he has cancer. So not only are we all dealing with this bad news, now we have my poor uncle who obviously needs some help. I feel like I am living in a movie. My life always has some type of drama. I'm trying to be there for everybody else, trying to find the right words to make things better and it is just one of those times that I am at a loss. All I do know is that my uncle has been given this second chance and my hope for him is that he gets the help he needs and starts enjoying his life once again.


jennschultz said...

Oh God, Shelly, I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for your family. I hope he and his family gets the help they ALL now desperatly need and that you and your family can have some peace in your lives for a while.

Anonymous said...

Shelly there are truley no words to tell you how sorry I am. I have known your uncle for as long as I can remember & would have never imagined that he would come to this point in his life. Mental illness can make people do things that they were never capable of before. I have seen over and over again over the past year as your family has endured great heartache and loss and I know that your strength will get you through this. I will pray for your uncle & that he gets the help he needs.
Love you, Lisa

Katie McKenna said...

This is really sad to read. How devastating for your family.

This is a tough time of the year for many people.. heightened emotions.. a sense of helplessness,tiredness.. wondering "is this all there is?" while it does appear like he had everything we also know that there are places within that are often cold and empty... emotions simply get too over whelming.. I hope he is doing better now.. and your mum and the rest of the family get some rest.

So heartbreaking.... I hope for brighter days for all of you!