Tuesday, March 20, 2007

My Life/ My Breakdown

Ever had a day when you wish you never got out of bed? That's my day today. I have been keeping alot of feelings bottled up in me for a very long time and today most of those things just came out. I'd like to say I feel better now but my chest just have that heavy feeling that I just can't get rid of. Of all the day's this has to happen my youngest sister decided to leave her husband. Nothing is ever simple with my sister if it was it would not be her. She had to put him in jail for domestic violence which is what he deserved because he hit her, but this is what they do. They fight bad and they always get back together in the end. Now I have her son which I adore of course but that is just one more kid for me that I can't handle having my own problems right now. But of course I'll take care of him because she cannot. I wish she would get her life in order. Not only for herself but for her son. The last time she left her husband, she partied and left her son with me or my mom. She is just not ready to be a mom. I worry that someday she will regret this and the lack of time she spends with him. But she is still very young and confused. Our family tries to help her but there is only so much we can do. I pray that something good will happen for her that she will find her way to happiness. I'm just unsure if that's possible with the paths she chooses. I don't know why so many responsibilities always fall on me. I am to the point were I just can't always be there for everyone else. Does anyone care about me. I mean I know they care but can they really see beneath that I am falling apart. I'm to the point where I do not want to get out of bed anymore, it's just everyone is just to busy telling me their own problems and expecting me to manage everything to really take a close look at me. Which makes me feel even more alone. I'm worn out by the time my day care closes I have to make my family dinner so that my husband can get to work, then I am a single parent the rest of the night. I try to pick up my house because I can't do much during the day because my husband is sleeping and I have to keep the kids as quiet as possible then I have to make my sons lunch for the next day, help with homework, give baths and put them all to bed. The night shift is no shift for a family. It puts to much responsibility on just one parent. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.


J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I hope things get better. :)
Thanks for visiting my blog -- you can add me if you want to.

Tom~The~Alley~Cat said...

Sorry to hear your feeling down i think everyone has those sort of days but to be compounded with the other things i can see how its a bit much. Hopefully she will get her act together both for her sons sake and her family, not to mention your sanity :D. Hang in there.

Gabriela said...

I think I can relate to your situation somehow. I don't have a lot of responsabilities since I'm only 18. But I think I know how it is when everyone thinks you have no problems in your life and that you can handle somebody else's.

I hope everything gets better, and I know how hard it can be when someone just doesn't handle things well like your sister. I know it can get to you.

Pacific College Mom said...

I sincerely hope that things work out for the best for your family and your friend with the mass!

Remember to take care of yourself, too, since so many people depend on you!


Pacific College Mom said...

Oh, yeah, please add me too if you want to. I left you a message on my comments page. I don't know if you got it or not.


Lee said...

Dear, dear are expected to take on far too much. You're going to have to put your foot down and tell everyone you need time for yourself and your own family. I know that's easier said than done, but you can't let yourself get so down and depressed as then you will be of absolutely no use to anyone or to yourself, even. It is unfair on you and I know it's very hard.

Don't try to do everything...if the house gets a bit messy...let it...don't become a slave to it...or to others. Your sister needs to grow up and realise the damage she is causing to everyone else around her. You can't be held responsible for her bad choices. Sit her down (I'm sure you've already done so) and explain your feelings to her and tell her she has to start acting maturely...she has a child...and that child is her responsiblity, not the responsibility of you or your mother...even though I know you feel for him and do do your best for him. Don't upset your own life and marriage for the sake of others. Your husband and your own children need you...they are of most importance to you.

Hold your chin up...things will get better even though you may not think so right at this moment. :)

Arash said...

hi dear shelly. please let me know where you put my link and give the URL of yours to me put in my blog. hails.

Anonymous said...

I remember when my kids were small and my husband worked mid-nights. It might have been good for him, but I was miserable. Once he got back on days I told him if he ever worked that shift again it would be the end of our marriage. Your so right it's not a shift for a family.