Thursday, November 29, 2007

My Life

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Life

"If we are not an accident, then we could also say that accidents don't happen to us — only changes in plans that we are not informed about. God is always working on His purposes in and through us. Plans are okay to a point, just as long as our plans don't get in the way of His purposes. And when He changes them, instead of getting upset, we need to ask what He has in mind now." RW

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My Life

Monday, November 26, 2007

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My Life/ My Girl

This morning I was writing in another fallen soldiers guestbook this one is from our area. As I am writing to this family I could not help but cry. I often cry when writing in these guestbooks but I think it hit me hard because this Soldiers body is being brought in the same way as Todd and visitation is at the same funeral home. I was just imagining how his family must have been feeling at that very moment. Getting up and getting ready to go to the airport. That was us months ago. Mackenzie who is usually a tad bit grumpy in the mornings, comes up and cuddles on my lap as I am typing. Not even knowing what I am doing she asks are you crying because you miss Uncle Todd. I said yes and told her what I was doing. I showed her a picture of the young man that was killed last week. she then got up and went to get a picture of Todd. She informed me that when she misses him she talks to his picture and it always makes her feel better, here Mom she said talk to him. You know what? I actually did feel better. Thank you Mackenzie. Before we got ready for the bus she wanted to listen to Todd's song which is God bless the broken road. So as we listened to his song we just snuggled. It's pretty amazing when a 7 year old helps her Mommy out. I am so lucky to have her.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

My Life/ Happy Thanksgiving.......

It's Thanksgiving night and we just got home from our traditional Thanksgiving movie. This year we watched Fred Clause. Pretty funny movie. Hailey slept through the entire movie, which means no sleep for her and I tonight. I made our usual Thanksgiving dinner and as usual my Sister Steph sat and watched. Oh I take that back she opened the green beans and corn for me, big helper just kidding Sis. Anyway all went well. I must confess I woke up a bit grumpy this morning. John woke me up to get the turkey in this year he even helped, and I was kinda grumpy to him. I felt bad and apologized later, I think that is has to do with still feeling a bit angry about Todd being gone. I layed in bed watching Good Morning America they had there Thanksgiving special on which consists of families being reunited with their loved ones from Iraq. Don't get me wrong it's a good thing. As I watch tears are just streaming down my face, so happy for these families. There were these little girls who had not seen their Dad in 10 months and he was home on leave. He surprised them at school. It was wonderful. I just can't help to feel sad for Emma and Steph and everyone else who has lost a loved one to this war. All the families that can't be with their loved one's on the holidays and those of us who will never spend another holiday with ours. It's still so hard for me to understand. I watched my kids play with their cousins today, laughing and chasing each other. For that I am so thankful. But a part of my heart still hurts almost like it still can't be real. So on this Thanksgiving I still have so much to be thankful for, good friends, my kids, all our families, but I still remember and I will never forget the Solider that sacrificed the ultimate for his Country. I thank all the Soldiers and their families. God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Our Trip To Las Vegas

Friday, November 9, 2007

My Life

(written after she found out she was dying from cancer)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it . Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

My Life/ My Morning

So my mornings are very hectic as most could imagine. I am up at 6am most days and my first kid arrives around 6:30. With this in mind I try to lay out my kids clothes the night before and make their lunches, even by doing this I am still pretty pressed for time. I wake them up at about 7am. My son is pretty easy to get up he never usually gives me a problem, it's Miss Mackenzie I worry about. I'm very careful of how I wake the child in the mornings. I usually lay in bed with her and snuggle and ask her what she wants for breakfast, I have learned not to assume she wants waffles because that is what she eats 99.9% of the time, but the minute I assume that's what she wants and make it for her she will want something else believe me I've learned the hard way. Anyway I basically kiss her sweet butt because I don't want to argue with her before school. I do alot of tongue biting. Well this morning it was Tyler's turn, everything I did was wrong. I layed his clothes out last night so he had all night to see what I picked out for him, so after getting out of the shower this morning he comes stomping out, Is this what I am wearing? It was a very nice button down shirt, something he has worn many times before, but today he tells me it looks stupid and something he would wear for pictures. Okay I say pick something else out that you would like to wear. He storms off, like I am lazy or something, I mean come on I guess I am just supposed to run and pick out something else for the boy. Times ticking I remind him, he still needs to eat. With that statement he rolls his eyes. I'm really feeling the love at this point. Then he starts blow drying his hair which he calls me in for my help. I guess I can't do that right either because he re-wets it and drys it again. By this time I am ready to flip out Kenzie is going nuts because she is waiting for me to do her hair, Hailey wants her breakfast and I am dealing with day care kids. As I am putting them on the bus I'm thinking Vegas can't come fast enough. Aunt Steph & Nanny I will be thinking of you both next week because all this will be your problems. Good Luck you will need it!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

My Life/ Great Weekend!

We had a pretty good weekend. I don't know what is wrong with me I seem to always be happy, I mean I think I usually am a happy person but I have really been appreciating life. It kinda scares me like maybe something terrible is going to happen to me. It just feels like all is going well in our lives. I don't find myself sweating over the little stuff, I mean I still have my bitch moments but my life feels really calm. My husband and I went to a high school playoff football game Friday night with another couple. No kids we felt like we were teens again. I felt like I was in the show Friday Night Lights, sounds kinda dumb I know I just can't explain it. I just felt so thankful for the moment. I watched these three boys running around playing they were probably around three or four years. I could not help but watch them, my thoughts were someday these three boys will be men, husbands and fathers. On the way home from the game my husband and I were talking about this new sense of appreciation that I have managed to find and all we can really think is that I have really grown since Todd's death. His death has really affected me in ways that are just unexplainable. I want everyone in my life to know how I really feel about them. I want to enjoy everything. Saturday night our friends had a Halloween party which was alot of fun. I think I drank alittle to much and when I do this I go through the Shelly stages as everyone who knows me well would call it. First stage I laugh alot everything is funny to me, then I hit the helping everyone out stage I try to find true love for all. Then I hit the love stage where I hug and tell everyone how much I love them example I was telling my sisters boyfriend what a great guy he is and how lucky we were to have him in our family, and I guess I even said a speech to my very dear friend who turned 30 a few weeks ago. As alway's my night ends with tears but this time it was not tears of sadness it was tears of being really happy. Funny what a few drinks do to some. We took the kids to see the Bee Movie which I thought was cute, my husband thought it was dumb but the kids really liked it to. During the movie Hailey was just giggling, in that moment I just felt so happy to be there with her, and all that know Hailey we do not get many of those moments especially in public. I wish I could give this feeling to everyone. This feeling of just enjoying your life in the moment even when things are crazy, enjoy it because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring. I am really going to try to keep this attitude I'm sure I will fall off the wagon many times, but I am really going to try. My son was upset the other day because one of his really good friend was being mean to him and calling him stupid. This really hurt his feelings, he was in tears telling me, now as a Mom I am instantly pissed and wanted to call the little *******. But I explained that this is how kids are, and that growing up we all had to deal with mean kids. I told him that all that really matters in life is that you are healthy and happy and having fun. It hurt like hell to see my boy hurting but this is real life and the truth is there will be more hurt feelings to come. Even as adults our feelings get hurt, someone will always have something that you want, look better, have a better relationship this is how life is, I think the difference in some of us is that we actually learn in life and figure out that those types of things are not so important. It is not about who is better, it is about finding that certain place in your life and surrounding yourself with people who share the same values as you. Making life long friends. Loving someone so much that it sometimes is going to hurt. Letting your guard down long enough to let others in and see the real you and that you are not perfect. Your real friends are the ones that see you cry and feel your pain and try to help you. After Todd's death I had alot of that in my life and I also had to supply alot of that to my Sister and the rest of my family. So this is my secret to being so happy these last few months. My hope and point to this story is that everyone who reads this will learn to live their lives to the fullest. Just be happy, try not to worry about shit that is not going to matter when your gone.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

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