Tuesday, March 10, 2009

This caught my attention and got me thinking!!

Today on the noon news they were talking about the soldiers from Muskegon returning to Iraq I just caught a glimpse of it while waiting on the kids at lunch time. I did not see this actual picture which I copied from Mlive but the video they played was of a young man holding his baby son so close with tears streaming down his face. It touched me so... I can't imagine having to leave my loved ones especially my children not really knowing what my future holds. It brings me back to Todd of course and the day he had to leave 2 week old Emma, I can't even begin to imagine what that must have felt like for him. It's hard to believe that we are almost at that 2 year point of his death. So much has happened, Stephanie has a serious boyfriend whom she loves very much. But still has a very big hole in her heart that no one will ever be able to fill. About a month ago she shared a story with me. She said every night Emma kisses a picture of her Daddy and tells him goodnight, well one night after kissing his picture she asked Steph if she could see her Daddy, Steph replied with, you can't because Daddy is in Heaven which Emma already knows, Steph has always made it a point to tell her where he is but this time she wanted to go to heaven and see him. Steph said she was very upset and once again Steph explained Daddy had to go to Heaven and we can't see him but he is always with us.. What else can you say to a 2 year old. It broke Stephs heart to hear this come out of her mouth, it broke mine just imagining it. Shortly after this my sister had a bit of a breakdown she felt sad and did not know how she was ever going to be able to move forward with anything. Having this break down in the night she wrote a letter to God, imagine my surprise when I open an email to God from Steph. All I can say without revealing her private intimate thoughts is that it touched me so much. It reminded me of the saying "you can't judge a book by it's cover" on the outside she seemed fine, loves her boyfriend and is very happy with him, but on the inside she still has so much to over come. The world may have moved on but she has not. I either see or talk to my sister every day and I really had no idea how she had been feeling. We talk about Todd often but we just don't talk about her feelings as much as we used to. I feel like I dont want to dredge up more heartache for her. That day we talked in person for a very long time of all places out in her car , I had kids but John happened to be home from work so he stayed inside so we could talk. We talked, cried and prayed, I can honestly say that it was probably one of the best talks we have ever had. Just because she appeared to be doing fine and moving on does not mean deep down she really was. So being the thinker I am, I started thinking about all the books I judge by their cover not really knowing whats inside of each person. Someone may seem to have the perfect life but we would never know because we really don't take the time to look and listen. Someone loses a loved one and we think how tragic or sad , someone else loses job and we think oh how terrible, but do we really understand and have empathy. For myself I have always had a certain amount of compassion for others , I want to help and make a difference but even with that being said I really don't think we realize how others feel until it is starring us straight in the face. Death had never affected me so much until we lost Todd , seeing soldiers on TV never moved me so much until I had to say good bye to one,hearing about people losing their jobs had never really hit home until that possibility came knocking at my door. For those who are struggling with anything in their lives I pray that you have that one person, maybe two that you can go to and be yourself. Besides God anyway sometimes we need to just show our real feelings to someone. I have been very blessed that I have that type of relationships with a few people. I thank God every day for bringing certain people into my life that have given me comfort and compassion and words of advise, and for me being able to help give them the same right back. Can you imagine if everybody was not so quick to judge others by their appearance or where they come from how many different relationships and friendships we could have, how much we could learn from one another. The world would be a much happier place.. To all my friends that are in my life , Thank You and for those of you who read my blog and do not leave me comments but write me emails thank you! Each and every one of you have touched my life in some way and it is my hope that I have yours. One last thing for my husband , I have been doing a lot of praying for John and his job and I came across something that somehow gave me comfort.



Ramblings of a Crazy Mom said...

What a great post Shelly. Thank you for your openness in sharing your thoughts and challenging me.

Kristin said...

Thank you for being you!!!
Know that all will be well, have faith:)!!!

Keep up the good job being you!!

Lea said...

Ok..I said the majority of my response in my e-mail to you. However, I just need to once again thank you once again for being open about your faith and challenging each of us!! You are truely an amazing person girl and I'm grateful God made us "sisters"!!

hien k. d. said...

you write so beautifully and so honestly, Shelly. always touches me. i appreciate it. thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!

jennie said...

I think you hit the nail on the head.

I cannot fathom your sisters pain. When I get close to feeling like i may almost know, I pull away from those thoughts simply because it is more than I can bear.

I have to say that I have been using the "don't judge a book" rule a lot more in my life these days. For instance, I have delt with an individual who is needlessly rude and even mean. But I realize there is something in her life making her this way, and I have no clue what her home life is like. As much as she has made me feel bad, I find myself feeling very sorry for her. I also try to keep in mind that each and every one of us has been on both sides of this situation. It certainly helps with the empathy and being less judgmental.

Thanks for another post forcing us to really "see".
I sometimes need a reminder;)

Mandy said...

ahh shelly, you had me wiping away tears on this one! You are a great person and you sister is so very lucky to have you! Everything will be ok, I just know it!!

Jodi said...

very well written and very well said. Right on.

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