Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My Life/ Happy First Birthday Sweet Emma

My niece Emma is one today I can't believe it. Last year at this time my Mom was in Texas with Steph and Todd awaiting Emma's arrival. What a difference a year makes. Todd's headstone was just laid down about a week ago. I can't describe the feeling I had seeing his name on that stone. It dug so deep into my stomach like he died all over again. I often think of Todd but I tend to put his death to the back of my mind because it hurts to much to think about. So when I seen his name it was like I had to admit all over again that this is so final. I look at his little girl and I feel such pain not for her now because she does not have a clue what she has lost but for her when she's older. She will have no memories of her Daddy except the ones we share with her but none of her very own. I feel like she has been robbed of that Daddy/daughter relationship. Lot's of questions enter my mind. How will this affect her as she is growing up? Her relationships? How is she going to feel at school one day and others are talking about their Daddy's and she does not have hers waiting for her at home. I also think about if my sister does ever re-marry will that man treat Emma like his own? My heart just breaks for her. She is such a special little girl. She has these dark brown eyes and she has her Daddy's LOOK. Whenever we tell her No she gives us the LOOK. You can't help but want to snuggle her. So Happy 1st Birthday Emma, Auntie loves you.


Katie McKenna said...

Oddly enough, Emma will have better memories than some other children she will meet. She will know she was loved and is loved. She will miss out..true... but everything she knows will come from those whom loved Todd.

My daughter's father was killed before she was born. She felt the loss of not having "her" own. Yet, years later when I remarried , her step-father filled in the slot. He spoiled her rotten! She has a very good relationship with him - despite the fact that we divorced 10 ? years later. She says she did go through a phase but came to the conclusion that she was loved and is loved.. and that's what is important.

Happy Belated Birthday Emma!