Thursday, July 26, 2007

My Life/ I want to be Somebody!!!!!!

I am in just one of those moods today. I want more out of my life, I want to have a purpose or at least know what my purpose is. I mean who am I really? I have no special talents, I'm just a wife and a mom. In high school I had all these big plans I was either going to be in journalism or a counselor. I started college but never finished. I hated school, I really did. Now I wish I would have finished at least I could have said I accomplished something. I would not change a thing about my kids I am thankful I have them, they are the biggest blessing, I just wish I had more for myself. I want to be somebody important. I want to make a difference, I'm just unsure how. I wish I were smarter, I feel like there is just something else I am supposed to be doing other than changing diapers all day. I realize that not everyone could do what I do, it does take a great deal of patience, but I also feel that I am not appreciated for all that I do. I am just in a funk right now, well actually it's been about a week now. I'm like that though I struggle with depression. I hate it! I'm happy one minute and crying the next. Some day's I feel so thankful for life and the next I'm asking why me?


Mary said...

I've been there! I have 4 children and there was a point where I just felt I'd completely lost myself. I was miserable. I came across a book called The Artist Way. It gives you exercise to do (like writing) and you must journal everyday. It really helped me find who I was and then I just went towards that. You have to go after who you want to be. Just do it. I know its hard w/kids but you will be much happier and as a result so will they. My whole thing was about being creative so to start I just took a watercolor class. No biggy. Then I got a job in a potters studio. Part time. Everything from there just fell in my lap. Doors started opening I think because I was on the right path for me. But this whole process went very slow.

Katie McKenna said...

It is interesting where our journeys take us. I believe we all have our moments. I spent the afternoon the other day painting the sun.. I was thinking of Mary's mosaics... and all I have is rain, rain, rain, no phone, no computer... and some days I could cry .. I had a difficult time this June/July emotionally... yet, I know it could be worse. I choose to enjoy .... the littlest things.

I have no direction. I thought I was going somewhere... but life got in the way..... I work on being me.. balanced...and embracing the light within .. and in others...Some days I feel like I'm simply buying time.... and try not to waste the gift.

You will always be important to the ones that love you. Regardless. More will come....
and who you are today will be reflected in your children tomorrow... You are a gift in my life as well.