Almost there...

Well I am on the home stretch of this license business, well lets pray they find nothing major (expensive) that I have to do... I cant believe that it has not even been a month since I received my letter. I remember feeling so hopeless and helpless at the beginning of this whole process and although I still have my doubts my confidence is building with each new day. I feel like I am up for the challenge. I had my class on Thursday in Grand Rapids, which was very informative and helpful. Now all I have is my CPR stuff this weekend and I will be calling my consultant Monday to schedule my inspection. I did have a very strange thing happen to me on Wednesday though, I have been praying this past month for closure because I cant help but wonder who turned me in. This whole time in the back of my mind I was thinking I knew who this person was and I had been trying to make her feel guilty basically trying to see if she would come clean with me. On Wednesday I got this letter about my so called "investigation" and basically it was saying that my case was closed because I am in full compliance. Great news but at the bottom of this 3 page letter it had my name, address BUT not my phone number. I showed my sister and she joked maybe it was the person who turned me in phone number. I thought no way would they make a mistake like that. I googled it in and to my surprise it was another Daycare in my neighborhood phone number. One of the same people who offered their help to me after all this happened. Her son and my son go to school together. Now coincidence that her number just happened to be on there, I think not, lets think about this. In order to write me this letter they had to pull my report up which in turn would state who turned in me and their info. I firmly believe this was Gods way of giving me my closure. This couple probably never told a sole that they had done this, I mean we have a ton of mutual friends, they thought I could never find out if they never told. I guess it goes to show you the power of prayer. I could not let it rest, my feelings have been so crushed. But now that I know I feel like I can move forward. She and her husband as of today are still on my facebook page I want them to know I know. I thought maybe she would have the guts to email me or call and explain. The funny thing is back when I told her what had happened to me I would have respected her if she would have owned it then, at least give me your reasons why she did it, wether it be because she thought if she had to follow the rules then so should I. I would have been upset but believe it or not I would have felt better knowing the truth. My honest opinion is that she was just jealous, I heard she had been losing kids and she is (for now) a friend on my facebook page she probably did not like seeing all the stuff John and I are able to do with are kids. Jealously can make people do evil things. She also probably seen all the nice comments my friends leave me for watching their kids. Little did she know I do not make a ton of money, I watch a lot of family in which I do not get paid for and all these other kids they only come once or twice a week. Now thanks to her I cant watch my nephews anymore due to the fact I have to get paid. Try looking at my sweet nephew Jrs eyes and tell him why he cant stay with his Auntie anymore. Shame on her in my eyes. I was helping family and friends at a very low cost. But I believe that everything happens for a reason and God used her evil as a tool to bless my family. In the long run we are better for it. Just getting there is the hardest part. But Im doing it, as much as change causes me anxiety I am pushing my way through all of it. Im stronger for it.

Changes

I cant believe how bad I have become with this blog, my life has just been crazy, really there are no other words to describe it. We had wonderful holidays filled with laughter and a few tears, Holidays are always hard when you are missing loved ones that should still be here. It puts your life into perspective though, cherish the people you love the most.. My kids are all getting so big, thats all I can really say without busting into tears. As many of you already know or have heard from others, I have been the hot topic of gossip I guess over this whole daycare thing, so I thought I would post the facts. First off I am NOT going to jail lol, thats the newest one I heard just this morning, and I do not have a $500 fine or any fine for that matter, its funny how one person tells a story and it gets totally blown out of proportion and so on. So here goes the story, really I must warn you its not all that exciting though. Almost 2 weeks ago on a Friday I received a letter stating that the state had received information that I have been watching other people kids.. And if I had I needed to get my license or stop watching kids all together. NO jail time or FINES were ever mentioned in this letter. Well getting this letter as you can imagines rocked my world and then to get it on a Friday made not for the greatest weekend for me. As everyone knows I have been doing this since Tyler was a baby, I often worried about getting caught but never really thought someone would turn me in. John had been trying to push me to get my license for quite some time but I knew that it was not an easy process and it comes with a ton of rules and guidelines. I always pushed it to the back burner, I knew that if I did I would not be able to have as many part time kids as I do because you have to actually make good money for this process to work and to benefit from all of it. I was not sure it was worth all the hassle and worry. But now thanks to someone else I have no other choice but to push full force with the license. After the shock wore off the tears came and the anxiety and should I say hurt. I was so hurt that someone could actually do this to me. I am so nice to everyone, why is it someone else's business how I help feed my family. I would never dream of turning someone in for this. Its not like I am making a fortune at all. If its not hurting anyone why does it matter. Lots of people have jobs where they get paid under the table. I think that it should also be a parents choice of who they send their kids to, just because you have a license does not make you a good sitter. I can say that I have given my heart, my patience and my home 100 percent to these kids. Not just anybody could do what I do. So for someone to do this to me, yes I took it very personal, and once I got past that the reality of all the changes set in. John downloaded the application for me and WOW it was a bit much to take in at first. But thanks to some wonderful people I had much of it completed within the first week, John was laughing at me because once I start something I like to finish it asap so stuff that would have taken weeks to do, I got done right away. That first weekend I was a walking zombie, other daycare providers were telling me this is a good thing, I will be way better off financially in the long run. This person actually did me a favor. I would feel good about it one minute and then bust into tears the next. But then after so many tears I started to see things in a better perspective. John and I and our kids had been praying before bed as a family for months leading up to this, praying that things would look up for us financially, Johns work is so up and down and things have been so up in the air just like for many families. John can only take so much of my crying before he blows and when he finally did, he asked me if it ever occurred to me that this was God answering our prayers. He was right, I would have never done this on my own, so maybe this is just what I have to do to get to something better. Then at church for the last two Sundays I have gotten the answers I needed that this was the direction that God knew I needed to be on. Some may call me crazy, and a few years ago I would have never imagined that I would be following Gods word so closely , but believe me I have never felt closer. With that being realized it has made this whole process much easier, I still worry, and I still have a hard time seeing so much of the good about it, but I have faith that things will work out, they always do. I am happy to report that the application was sent in along with a ton a money, and now I am in the waiting mode. I am waiting to hear about my class, after my class I am close like with one to two weeks close. Thankfully my sister has agreed to be my helper until after summer when I can search for a new one. Because anytime I have over 6 kids I have to have a helper, so I will be looking to hire someone after summer. So many changes coming to the Carnes household but lets pray all good ones.

This is what Middle School looks like!

Its official I have a son in Jr High, a very handsome one at that. I picked him to blog about today because this boy amazes me with each new day. He looks so much like his father and obviously inherited his sports skills from him but he is so me when it comes to his heart. Well I cant really say all me when it comes to his heart because he did break up with his girlfriend via text which for the record I thought was a very jerky thing to do but granted he is only 11 years old. Anyway John and I have always spoiled this kid rotten, maybe because he was our first and he is a boy I have no idea but the kid is one lucky guy. We would often ask each other if maybe we have made things to easy for him, given him to much stuff, we famously say the line "when we were kids, we never got that" As parents I don't think you really know until they are older how well you have done instilling values in them. Lately I have been starting to see that he actually gets things. He feels sympathy and empathy which so many adult men often lack. We had to pick up a football friend that needed a ride last night. This boy looks like he has had a hard life, and may still be having a tough time, his neighbor hood is a bit rough and his parents are divorced, I wish I knew the whole story but I don't. Well we dropped him off to an empty house at 7:30 last night, he had a house key and we think his Mom was working, Tyler was a bit interested in why he was going home to be alone. Not knowing the true reason I said maybe it's because they don't have anyone else to take care of him at night, its probably their only option. After a bit of discussion we dropped it and this morning Tyler was getting ready and he mentioned to me about his friend, how much it bothered him. He said Mom I am so thankful that I have you and Dad and that he appreciates all that we do for him, and that he feels lucky. I wanted to cry, I feel like he does get it. After I had kids and the older I get the more I want them to know that life is not always fair, good people can be poor people, just because someone has a big beautiful home does not make them worth more that someone that lives in a shack. We all do it at some point in our lives we judge, I do, If I had my pick of a dirty kid and a clean kid to hug, I would pick the clean one. Which when you think about it, is not right or fair. Every kid deserves that hug. I work so hard at trying to get my kids to fit in, I sometimes forget the moral of the story. Its not about what you have its about who you are. The same can be applied to my life, friendships should not be about who you are or what your status is, it should be about who we really are deep inside, and having sympathy and empathy for one another. Its about being honest and not being afraid to show your own weaknesses. If you do have a friend like that consider yourself very lucky because they are very hard to come by. Tyler just started 6th grade, he has a long road ahead of him, many people will try and will crush his spirit, I just hope he always has the guts to be who he really is. I watch him with some of his friends that are not his football friends, he trys so hard to help them fit in. He really is a very nice boy with a great big kind heart, I just pray that he stays that way.