Changes

I cant believe how bad I have become with this blog, my life has just been crazy, really there are no other words to describe it. We had wonderful holidays filled with laughter and a few tears, Holidays are always hard when you are missing loved ones that should still be here. It puts your life into perspective though, cherish the people you love the most.. My kids are all getting so big, thats all I can really say without busting into tears. As many of you already know or have heard from others, I have been the hot topic of gossip I guess over this whole daycare thing, so I thought I would post the facts. First off I am NOT going to jail lol, thats the newest one I heard just this morning, and I do not have a $500 fine or any fine for that matter, its funny how one person tells a story and it gets totally blown out of proportion and so on. So here goes the story, really I must warn you its not all that exciting though. Almost 2 weeks ago on a Friday I received a letter stating that the state had received information that I have been watching other people kids.. And if I had I needed to get my license or stop watching kids all together. NO jail time or FINES were ever mentioned in this letter. Well getting this letter as you can imagines rocked my world and then to get it on a Friday made not for the greatest weekend for me. As everyone knows I have been doing this since Tyler was a baby, I often worried about getting caught but never really thought someone would turn me in. John had been trying to push me to get my license for quite some time but I knew that it was not an easy process and it comes with a ton of rules and guidelines. I always pushed it to the back burner, I knew that if I did I would not be able to have as many part time kids as I do because you have to actually make good money for this process to work and to benefit from all of it. I was not sure it was worth all the hassle and worry. But now thanks to someone else I have no other choice but to push full force with the license. After the shock wore off the tears came and the anxiety and should I say hurt. I was so hurt that someone could actually do this to me. I am so nice to everyone, why is it someone else's business how I help feed my family. I would never dream of turning someone in for this. Its not like I am making a fortune at all. If its not hurting anyone why does it matter. Lots of people have jobs where they get paid under the table. I think that it should also be a parents choice of who they send their kids to, just because you have a license does not make you a good sitter. I can say that I have given my heart, my patience and my home 100 percent to these kids. Not just anybody could do what I do. So for someone to do this to me, yes I took it very personal, and once I got past that the reality of all the changes set in. John downloaded the application for me and WOW it was a bit much to take in at first. But thanks to some wonderful people I had much of it completed within the first week, John was laughing at me because once I start something I like to finish it asap so stuff that would have taken weeks to do, I got done right away. That first weekend I was a walking zombie, other daycare providers were telling me this is a good thing, I will be way better off financially in the long run. This person actually did me a favor. I would feel good about it one minute and then bust into tears the next. But then after so many tears I started to see things in a better perspective. John and I and our kids had been praying before bed as a family for months leading up to this, praying that things would look up for us financially, Johns work is so up and down and things have been so up in the air just like for many families. John can only take so much of my crying before he blows and when he finally did, he asked me if it ever occurred to me that this was God answering our prayers. He was right, I would have never done this on my own, so maybe this is just what I have to do to get to something better. Then at church for the last two Sundays I have gotten the answers I needed that this was the direction that God knew I needed to be on. Some may call me crazy, and a few years ago I would have never imagined that I would be following Gods word so closely , but believe me I have never felt closer. With that being realized it has made this whole process much easier, I still worry, and I still have a hard time seeing so much of the good about it, but I have faith that things will work out, they always do. I am happy to report that the application was sent in along with a ton a money, and now I am in the waiting mode. I am waiting to hear about my class, after my class I am close like with one to two weeks close. Thankfully my sister has agreed to be my helper until after summer when I can search for a new one. Because anytime I have over 6 kids I have to have a helper, so I will be looking to hire someone after summer. So many changes coming to the Carnes household but lets pray all good ones.

This is what Middle School looks like!

Its official I have a son in Jr High, a very handsome one at that. I picked him to blog about today because this boy amazes me with each new day. He looks so much like his father and obviously inherited his sports skills from him but he is so me when it comes to his heart. Well I cant really say all me when it comes to his heart because he did break up with his girlfriend via text which for the record I thought was a very jerky thing to do but granted he is only 11 years old. Anyway John and I have always spoiled this kid rotten, maybe because he was our first and he is a boy I have no idea but the kid is one lucky guy. We would often ask each other if maybe we have made things to easy for him, given him to much stuff, we famously say the line "when we were kids, we never got that" As parents I don't think you really know until they are older how well you have done instilling values in them. Lately I have been starting to see that he actually gets things. He feels sympathy and empathy which so many adult men often lack. We had to pick up a football friend that needed a ride last night. This boy looks like he has had a hard life, and may still be having a tough time, his neighbor hood is a bit rough and his parents are divorced, I wish I knew the whole story but I don't. Well we dropped him off to an empty house at 7:30 last night, he had a house key and we think his Mom was working, Tyler was a bit interested in why he was going home to be alone. Not knowing the true reason I said maybe it's because they don't have anyone else to take care of him at night, its probably their only option. After a bit of discussion we dropped it and this morning Tyler was getting ready and he mentioned to me about his friend, how much it bothered him. He said Mom I am so thankful that I have you and Dad and that he appreciates all that we do for him, and that he feels lucky. I wanted to cry, I feel like he does get it. After I had kids and the older I get the more I want them to know that life is not always fair, good people can be poor people, just because someone has a big beautiful home does not make them worth more that someone that lives in a shack. We all do it at some point in our lives we judge, I do, If I had my pick of a dirty kid and a clean kid to hug, I would pick the clean one. Which when you think about it, is not right or fair. Every kid deserves that hug. I work so hard at trying to get my kids to fit in, I sometimes forget the moral of the story. Its not about what you have its about who you are. The same can be applied to my life, friendships should not be about who you are or what your status is, it should be about who we really are deep inside, and having sympathy and empathy for one another. Its about being honest and not being afraid to show your own weaknesses. If you do have a friend like that consider yourself very lucky because they are very hard to come by. Tyler just started 6th grade, he has a long road ahead of him, many people will try and will crush his spirit, I just hope he always has the guts to be who he really is. I watch him with some of his friends that are not his football friends, he trys so hard to help them fit in. He really is a very nice boy with a great big kind heart, I just pray that he stays that way.

I'm Back

So I realize that I have pretty much abandoned my blog this summer. But hopefully now that fall is approaching fast I can jump back on the blogging wagon. Summer has been so busy. I'm looking forward to hopefully slowing things down a bit (if thats even possible). Life has been feeling so crazy with school starting. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back asleep, worried about all the new changes. Tyler is starting middle school, Mackenzie is starting at Ealy and Hailey will be going to school all day at shoreline. This is nuts, I have no more babies at home. It does not feel right to me. Not to mention the looming heart issue with Mackenzie, some days I want to explode carrying the weight of all these worries. Ultimately I know things will work out, the kids will adjust to school, I'll adjust to them being gone during the day, and Mackenzie the most important obstacle right now will get taken care of. I can honestly say that when you think theres a possibilty of something being wrong with one of your kids it really puts life into perspective for you. I did nothing but cry for the first 3 days after Kenzies EKG coming back abnormal, I remember thinking life was so good, and now I'm worried about my girl having a heart condition. It was all I thought about, it has made me more patient, and more eager to express all my love to each of my children. I pray every day that she will be ok, and I know that ultimately it's all in God's hands. Some days are easier than others but on the flip side she is doing much better, her heart palpitations are not nearly as bad as they were, so in the mean time, we wait until the 24th, and pray for good news. So here's to my hopeful comeback to bloggerland..