Stop-Loss

We took the kids to the park last night and brought a pizza along and decided to stop and rent some movies. We don't know what to do with our new found freedom, for those of you who don't know Tyler decided not to play football for a season. It was a tough decision and he waited until the very last minute, I mean literally an hour before practice was starting. He just explained to us that he is so burned out from baseball he feels like he has not had much of a summer. He has been playing since 5 years old so I think it crushed John a bit at first but Tyler assured him that he would play next season and the more John thought about it he said it was for the best because he is pretty tired too. And this way maybe Tyler can actually gain some weight by not constantly exercising. He is going into the 5th grade and only weighs 55 pounds. So lets keep our fingers crossed for a growth spurt. Anyway back to my Movie. It was such a debate for me to rent Stop-Loss. I have a very hard time watching any war movies or anything that consists of soldiers for that matter, but John said he heard it was a good movie and assured me that if it got to be to much we could always stop the movie. Oh my gosh what a great movie, it was VERY difficult to watch everything reminded me of Todd. But it really opens yours eyes let me tell ya. What our government does to our Soldiers is not always fair. Even though there have not been a lot of US Soldiers being killed in Iraq recently we forget what these poor Soldiers must endure over there everyday and what they will go through the rest of their lives, the nightmares that will forever haunt them. Our government does not want us to see this, it makes people uncomfortable. They want us to just forget what this war has done to our heroes and in our case what this war has cost our family. Our love one is gone, never to hold his daughter again, I am reminded daily. By the end of the movie I was just crying so hard my stomach hurt. I dreamed of Todd all night. In one of my dreams, he would not look at me, I was begging with him not to go back to Iraq, not to leave and he just kept walking never looking back. I was restless the entire night. We still have not forgotten you Todd, we love and miss you. God bless all the Soldiers.....

Can anyone relate???

~ I hate the price of gas, I never thought I would see the day when I would be happy to see gas at $3 a gallon. It would be awesome to see it even that cheap again.

~ I love being a Mommy, I never thought I could love 3 kids so darn much....

~ I hate that time goes to fast, especially vacations they seem to be over just as fast as they have begun.

~ I love that Tyler still needs me to comfort him when he is sick or when he has a problem, I don't know what I will do when I am not the only woman in his life, it scares me to think that far ahead.

~ I hate that because of the price of gas, the price of groceries have gone way up, like milk for example, it adds up especially when you are buying 8 to 9 gallons a week.

~ I love watching kids eat, just seeing them full makes me feel satisfied, weird I know..

~ I love that after 10 years of marriage my husband still loves to hold me and loves me even when I am at my worst.

~ I hate Cancer and wish that no one would ever have to endure pain and sickness, but I do trust that it is all in God's plan.

~ I hate that I am not a water person, I would love to just feel comfortable in it..

~ I wish I would play more with my kids, I sometimes feel so jealous of how John is just so able to play more with them, I feel like I always have to much to do.

~ I love the sounds of kids giggling.

~ I love watching John with our daughters, I wish I had that with my own Dad.

~ I hate seeing my kids sick or scared.

~ I love it when John and I lay in bed and talk, those are some of the best conversations we have ever had.

~ I hate feeling vulnerable

~ I love holding Hailey when she sleeps

~ I love that so many people trust me with their kids

~ I hate waiting in line for anything. I wish I had more patience...

~ I love watching Mackenzie entertain, she reminds me so much of myself at her age, but she is way more beautiful than I ever was...

Missing My Kid's

I have gotten the chance this past week to feel what it is like to be one of those Moms that have to leave their children when they go to work. We felt like our kids did not get a chance to camp last weekend because of Tyler's baseball so we decided to extend our stay through this weekend. So John took Tuesday off and stayed with the kids at the camp ground and I got up at 5:30 am to come home for Daycare. It felt so weird to get up and leave by myself well actually I had Hailey with me because I made the mistake of telling her I was leaving in the morning and she flipped out, she is such a Mommy's girl so I promised her I would bring her along in the morning. This morning when I got up to come home, I kissed John and all the kids which were all still sleeping (lucky bums) and got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was actually feeling sad that I would not be seeing them until after 6 tonight. So as I drove home at 5:30 am this morning I just cried and cried wishing I would have at least brought Hailey. I was feeling sorry for myself because Hailey had told me the night before that she wanted to stay with her Daddy because she wanted to swim and see Yogi. Luckily for me when I got home I found her blankie that we had left at home yesterday, so I felt like I had something of her with me. I feel terrible for all you Mom's that have to leave your kids to go to work every day, I so take that for granted. Now next week when they are all back I may feel differently.