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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My Life/ Marriage

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady,
and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing

when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're
here or not."

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************************

Marriage (Part II)


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day
of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting
you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At
Last'!"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a
fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the
irritated husband
says, "What took you so long to answer to the
phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)


A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling
his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides
that it is time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave
as well. He shouts
at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of
Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of
Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at
home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would
need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it
where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover
it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.


Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife
hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."


Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************

God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


************** ***************************

1 comments:

Lee said...

Hahahaha! Good ones, Shelley! :)